Sunday, September 7, 2014

For Baby B

My darling child,

The moment we heard the news that we were having twins, we were completely overjoyed. Dr. Chuong said that your brother or sister was doing great, but he also warned us that he wasn't optimistic about your health. After the terrible night in the emergency room, I couldn't handle any more bad news, so I chose to just take each of the next days with blind optimism. We had seen our two babies on the screen, and that was enough for me.

I spent the entire next week praying for you and your health. Every moment I was awake, you were on my mind. I was convinced that I could simply will you into good health - that as long as you were alive in my heart, you'd stay alive here on Earth.

When we returned the next week to the clinic, Dr. Chuong found your brother/sister first. We saw a little flicker happening on the screen and we knew right away what that meant. A heartbeat! Dr. Chuong then played the heartbeat without even warning us, causing your Daddy to shake uncontrollably with tears of joy streaming down his face. It was the moment we'd been waiting for for a very long time. I was thrilled, of course, but I knew it wasn't over. I needed to see and hear you too before I could stop holding my breath.

He did find you, however, he did not find a heartbeat. We wouldn't be having twins after all.

It was a hard blow for me. I'd spent the last week planning out your life. I knew that you'd be just fine - you'd go on to be born at full term, dance with me in the living room as a kid, graduate from college, get married, and one day, hopefully, make me a GrandPappy.

But you were never to be of this Earth. You spent your short little life taking care of your sister or brother during those first few weeks of scariness and uncertainty, ultimately securing their future. And in those few short weeks, you made your Pappy and Daddy the happiest and proudest parents alive.

You were my entire world and I never even got to hold you, but I will hold you in my heart until the day I die.

We love you to the Moon and back,
Pappy and Daddy

2 comments:

  1. Really wondering how you have been doing since you last wrote and if there is an update to your situation...

    ReplyDelete