Your Egg Donor

My darling child,

When your Daddy and I first began seriously considering IVF and surrogacy, we knew we would have to choose an egg donor as well. We started with websites online where sweet, young, and beautiful women offer their eggs to parents who need them to start a family, and we looked at all of the options available to us. Sure, these women were all very beautiful and well-educated, but those things didn't matter in the end.  It was very important that we chose someone who above all things, embodied both strength and compassion. But, we would probably never meet these women in person, so it was impossible to know what they were really like.

It was also very important for us that your egg donor be someone that you could meet if you ever chose to do so. One of the reasons I'm writing Your Story is so that you know where you come from and why you are here. Most of these women, however, were not interested in knowing what happened to their eggs after they donated them, and that was not what me and Daddy wanted for you. 

During my many hours of researching IVF, surrogacy, and egg donation, I came across a story of a woman who was struggling with infertility. She had learned that her eggs were not healthy enough to create a child and was absolutely devastated. She shared with her sister what she was going through and her sister replied without even thinking it over, "I want you to use my eggs." The sister struggling with infertility was initially shocked, but as time went on, she realized that using her sister's egg would be the best way to maintain a biological connection, and ultimately agreed. Once the child had arrived, the mother realized how her own blood was truly pumping through the heart of her child and was so glad to have used the help of her sister. The experience also brought her and her sister closer together and she never had a single regret. I continued to do more research on the topic and found that siblings helping their siblings create a child was becoming more and more common. 

That got me to thinking about your Aunt Misty. What would she think about this? Would she consider it? Is it weird for a brother to ask a sister for her eggs? I was a little disappointed at first, knowing that definitely meant your Daddy's DNA would be used and not mine, but your Daddy and I discussed it and decided we would ask.

"Of course. If the doctor thinks I have good eggs, of course you can have them," she said on the phone, without hesitation or even a second thought. Now, I have to admit that selfishly, what I was most excited about initially was knowing that you and I would still have a biological connection, even if you weren't from my DNA specifically. But as time went on, I began to realize just how special this was. 

Let me tell you a little about your Aunt Misty. She and I grew up together and were less than two years apart in age and have been inseparable (even when we wanted desperately to be separate) since she was born. She's the longest friendship I've ever been able to keep and there's no one else on this earth who shares all of the same childhood memories as me. 

My darling child, when I finally get to see your perfect face, I pray to God that I can see some of your Aunt Misty in you too. She is truly one of the most remarkable people I've ever known because everything she does, she does it fiercely. She loves her family so fiercely that we all know without a doubt, she would jump through hoops of fire to secure our happiness and safety. Whatever job she's doing, she does it fiercely because she believes that her work is a reflection of her character and she knows that people are counting on her. She's battled her addictions fiercely and proved all the statistics wrong to show that she is not defined by her mistakes and that she can and will thrive. She is smart but humble, caring but courageous. We are blessed to have her in our family and you are blessed to have her DNA in your blood. 

It used to make me nervous that you and your Aunt Misty might have a special bond that would make me a little jealous. Now I hope and pray that your bond with her is every bit as special as the one she and I share. 

We love you to the Moon and back, 
Pappy and Daddy