Earlier in Your Story, I told you about a friend of your Pappy and Daddy who was initially going to be your surrogate. Because of her good heart and generosity, we gained enough courage to book our first consultation with Dr Chuong and the ball started rolling - quickly. However, time revealed that the timeline your Daddy and I were set on didn't quite fit with that of our friend. It was a hard to decision to make, but we all agreed that our friend wasn't going to be ready to make that kind of commitment.
The setback was a tough one to swallow. We already knew that the fees charged by agencies were not a reality for our savings account, and there was no one else we felt comfortable asking. How were we going to get over this hurdle?
On your Daddy's birthday, he and I decided to spend the day in Galveston together. We were still struggling with the heartache of being unsure of how to proceed, so we made a promise to each other at the beginning of the day not to bring any of it up and to just try and enjoy the day. I wanted so badly for your Daddy to have a good birthday and to cheer him up, so first, I took him to an outlet mall, handed him the debit card, and said, "Go to town." His eyes lit up like it was Christmas! He went to store after store after store after store...after store...after store. But he never bought a single thing. I couldn't understand what was going on at first, but then it hit me. Even though he never said it aloud, he knew that every penny he spent would be a penny less we would save, and we'd be another day further from you. My plan had backfired, and now we were both moping around the mall, even more upset than when we started. We got in the car and decided to just go have lunch somewhere on the sea wall. I don't remember who broke the silence first now, but one of us finally said, "What are we going to do?"
I'd been playing with the idea of posting an ad on Facebook or Craigslist, but it was a scary thought. How could we ever feel comfortable with a complete stranger carrying our child, when neither of us could even name a handful of people we would even allow to babysit for an afternoon? Publicly asking for help felt almost humiliating to our prideful-selves, especially when we had barely told anyone what we were doing. But in the end, we saw no other option. We knew we would never choose anyone who we weren't 100% comfortable with and if it got us nowhere, at least we had tried. So during your Daddy's birthday lunch, we went for it. This was the post:
I don't usually care to put too much of our personal business on Facebook, but we are out of other options and we could really use your help.
Derek and I have been working with a fertility clinic for a while now so that we can achieve our dream of creating a family. Unfortunately, our amazing friend and would-be gestational carrier has had to back out due to personal issues and we've already spent a great deal of money that will go to waste if we don't find another one and begin the fertilization process within the next nine months. This is a very expensive process that will already end up costing between $50k and $60k, so we aren't able to pay the more than $100k that a surrogacy agency charges (and that the surrogate sees almost none of). So we have to do what I hate doing more than you know; ask for help.
So I ask: Are you or do you know someone that has ever wanted to be a gestational carrier? (Gestational means that it will not be your egg - you are the oven that cooks the bun) You must have already had at least one uncomplicated pregnancy, be under age 35, have health insurance (or allow us to find you a provider at our cost), not smoke or do drugs, have a BMI of 34 or less, and live in a safe and loving environment that will grow our child. We, of course, would take care of every expense from start to finish and decide with you your fee for helping us.
Please feel free to call, text, or share if you think you may be able to help us fulfill our dream of having a family. Thank you!
Somewhere in the midst of the beautiful chaos, a woman sent us a message saying that her friend Tiffany would be interested if someone would contact her. I clicked on the link to her name, just like I had done with dozens of women before her, but I instantly knew that she was someone special. If you're thinking this is an exaggeration because she's the one we ended up choosing, your Daddy and Aunt Shanna will tell you it's not - I didn't stop talking about her for days. There was just something so pure and beautiful about her. It was obvious that she loved her family fiercely, a quality you already know I admire. Her eyes and smile exuded love and unabashed joy. I knew she was smart because her grammar and spelling were perfect, but I knew she was far from pretentious because there were pictures of her shaving her head to raise money for a cancer charity. She had already been planning to be a surrogate in the coming year, so I also felt great comfort in knowing she had a good idea of what was to come. At the end of that week, we had dinner with her and her family and I was happy to learn that my instincts were correct. She was incredible. To top things off, we adored her boyfriend and had a great time laughing it up with him and we admired her smart and well behaved children, Exhibits A and B of her hard work and dedication as a mother.
Meeting them taught me and your Daddy an important lesson we didn't expect. We thought that having a baby would be the thing that finally made us a family. But adding your Aunt Tiffany and Uncle Craig into our lives made us realize that we'd already made a family, and that it was one we couldn't wait to bring you into.
We love you to the Moon and back,
Pappy and Daddy
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